July 7, 2009 – 5:46 pm

             Lord, I've come to write to you because I want to express the feelings in my heart, and I feel led to do this through writing. My heart and soul desire nothing except you, Lord. There is nothing in this world for me, only You. I desire to spend zero time doing godless things that do not satisfy, and I have a burning and all-consuming passion in my soul to live every minute of my life for you, Lord. You have put it there, Lord, I did not create it myself. And oh how I praise you for putting this desire inside of me! I am so glad that you are infinitely more enjoyable and satisfying than the things of this world, Lord. You would not be glorified if godless things were more enjoyable than yourself. But you are truly glorified when men reject the vain and trivial pleasures of this world and run to You, the Fountain of Living Waters, for true and eternal satisfaction and joy! Lord, it is getting very hard to continue working a full-time secular job when I have so much zeal for your Name burning inside of me! You have sustained me by your sovereign grace and have allowed me to maintain my love and passion for you even though I cannot serve you like I so badly desire to, but I truly feel like something has to give. In the past, I became interested in school or something at work, and this allowed me to get by for a while, though it weakened my love and joy for my true passion, the glorious King of Kings. I cannot let this happen any more, oh Lord. I can't stop thinking about you at work, nor do I want to. Why should I refrain from directing my thoughts to you, Lord, and spend countless hours doing meaningless secular work? My passion for you is really interfering with my job performance. I can't allow my soul to be shrunk any more, because I've spent enough time doing that in the past. Lord, I have not tasted of your goodness and glory anywhere near the levels that I desire to, and I know that I could if I had more time to serve you and experience you, by your grace. Lord, you have allowed me to have amazingly satisfying experiences with you, but my soul continues to long for more of you! Because of this, I continually keep seeking you and coming back to you to keep feasting on your glory! You said that we must eat your flesh and drink your blood in order to have eternal life. I want to be profoundly obese from consuming your flesh and blood day and night! Lord, I completely trust that you will show me how I can get rid of my hindrances so that I can pursue my true desire with all of my time and might. You are too worthy of my sacrifice for me to only be able to serve you on-the-side and devote the majority of my time to secular work and making money to live the American life. Although I know that many people must work full-time to be able to provide for their families, I truly believe that this is not your will for me, Lord. My zeal for your Kingdom burns too hot for me to live a standard American life.

             Lord Almighty, you have done so many amazing things for us in the past year-and-a-half! I remember thinking a couple years ago, "Why do I seem to be getting a lot more worldly blessings than spiritual blessings? I've miraculously gotten 4.0's every quarter in school, I secured a great job, I have a beautiful wife, and I'm healthy, but this is not what I want!!! I want the spiritual blessings! I want to have amazing love for my Savior! I want to lead people to Christ! I want to feel like I have an incredibly close relationship with my God that is rock-solid and indestructible! I just want the Lord to be pleased with my life!!!" And, though I felt like this for a while, you mercifully came through and gave me the desires of my heart! Lord, you have restored my amazing love for you, my great joy in the faith, and my burning passion to live for your glory in extreme ways! By your grace, I threw my secular Master's program in the trash, knowing that you said in your word that nobody who leaves father, mother, family, etc. for the Kingdom of God will fail to receive 100 times as much in this life and the next. And that's not talking about physical blessings, but the spiritual blessings that I so crave! And, those blessings are really just more of You, oh Lord! I just want to know you more, have more love for you, and live more effectively for your glory! You have blessed many people whom I work with (that do not know you or care about you) in extraordinary ways. They're leaving work to attend Ivy League law schools and others are getting dream jobs, but if I can just have the spiritual equivalent of that, it would be truly amazing! Though I deserve your holy wrath for the life I have lived, I will continue to pursue You alone and strive to give you everything that I have so that you might be glorified like you so exceedingly deserve! I will trust in your immaculate grace to sustain me and push me to cast off hindrances so that I may have even more of you and drink from your Holy Fountain at levels that I cannot currently fathom! Lord, accept my meager life as an offering and make the absolute most of it for your Glory! Don't ever let me waste my life again.