As a child, my family and I would go to church off and on but usually not on a consistent basis.  The times that we did go, I found myself not wanting to be there and not really being able to pay attention to what the pastor was saying.  What I did get out of the sermons was that if I just "believed" in Jesus and asked Him into my heart, I would go to heaven.  These principles stuck with me throughout my youth, as I had never really read the Bible for myself to see what it says.

            Although I didn't like church and didn’t know the Bible, I still managed to develop what I thought was a genuine relationship with God.  I would pray to Him every night, talk about Him with my brother and friends sometimes, and stand up for Him against opposition.  Being confident of my salvation, I remember thinking to myself that once I grew up and had a family, then I would get more serious about church and the Bible, but for now I was at least on my way to heaven. 

Having not been knowledgeable about the Bible, my conscience was seared as to what things were sins, as well as how utterly evil sin actually is.  I had heard that you should wait until marriage to have sex, but I had never read that the sexually immoral "will not inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Cor. 6:9-10).  I figured that lusting after women, getting drunk, lying, cheating, slandering, gossiping, using filthy language, and being selfish were not good things to do, but I never knew that "of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person―such a man is an idolator―has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God" (Eph. 5:5).  Looking back, it is amazing how I would never question my relationship with God, yet I would continue to smear His name in the mud with the way I lived, while not even caring to think about Him for the majority of the day.

            This was what my spiritual life was like until the summer after my junior year in high school.  It was at this time that my brother had started talking with a Christian from his work.  My brother had a very similar understanding of God compared to what I had growing up, but as he continued to spend time with this guy, I began to see some exceedingly foreign things happen.  He started talking about God all the time, and he would share with me all the things he was learning when he would get home from work.  I had never seen anything like this―someone who truly cared about what God thought and who talked about Him with unceasing interest.  On top of this, he had decided to completely stop all sins in his life and wholeheartedly follow the Bible.  This friend gave him a small book of Bible verses categorized into subjects, and he would read it and show me what it said.  As I learned from him and searched it for myself, I was shocked to find out what the Bible actually taught.  Scriptures that condemned my lifestyle were presented to me, yet I had no choice but to accept them and turn from my sinful ways.  My eyes were opened to the truth.  I had an earnest desire in me to find out everything that God wanted me to do and to totally surrender to His will.  Among the verses I saw were Mat. 7:21, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven," and Heb. 10:26-27, "If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God."  I do not know exactly how everything changed so quickly or when I truly committed my life to Jesus.  All I know is that God chose to have mercy on me and how eternally grateful I am for His amazing grace!

            It wouldn’t be until later that I would learn the real definition of "believing in" and "receiving" Jesus Christ.  I was a senior in high school when this change took place, and I began to tell all my friends.  I was very sad to see that no one wanted to hear what the Bible had to say, even professing Christians.  Instead, I began to get persecuted for my faith.  Not only was I having to resist and overcome sexual sin, but now my friends were all trying to persuade me to go back to how I used to be.  However, as He promised, the Lord keeps His children strong to the end, and He wouldn't let me be deceived (1 Cor. 1:8, John 10:4-5).

As time went on, I felt so free!  Free from fear, free from worry and uncertainty, free to be myself and not have to try to fit in, free to not care about what others thought of me, free to know that there is nothing else to seek in this life but God.  I knew the truth about the world that so many are seeking for.  The peace that this brought to my life truly "transcends all understanding" (Philip. 4:7).  I now saw the world in a totally different light.  Before, I was just consumed with the here and the now, but now it was like I was on the outside looking in;  like God had just removed the veil and taken me out of the dream.  Heaven seemed so far off before, but now I longed to go be with the Lord.  Sin didn’t used to hurt, but now my heart was pierced when I saw it.  The fear of death that plagues so many was a forgotten memory.

Life is certainly not easy as a Christian, but God proves to you again and again that you can totally trust in Him, because He will work out everything just as He wants.  Even when all seems lost, and you think there is no way that your circumstances will work out, He never ceases to amaze.  You understand that painful trials are good for you, because of verses like 1 Pet. 4:12-14 and James 1:2-4, and because "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" (Rom. 8:28, KJV).  I pray that this testimony will show you God’s exceeding goodness and bring glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.