Before I surrendered my life to the Lord, I considered myself a good Christian. I said the sinner's prayer at an early age, and from that point on, I believed my place in heaven was eternally secured. I thought I did my best to live a good life and to be a good person. I definitely had some ups and downs, or what is commonly referred to as "backsliding," but I always believed I learned from my mistakes and continued to grow and mature as a Christian. I totally believed the way I was living was all right with God. When I read my Bible, I truly thought I understood the words on the pages. At times, I even believed I was way ahead of many others in my Christian walk. I felt I truly understood and knew God, and that I helped others to know and understand Him as well.

            Looking back to my adolescent and teenage years, I never really questioned my Christian faith, although I always seemed to modify my beliefs so they lined up with my current lifestyle. This practice caused my idea of what was right to slowly get further from the truth. Since I believed the Bible was outdated, and that people couldn't take everything as absolute truth, I became involved in many things the Bible lists as sins. I believed these things were somehow okay with God, because the times had changed. I simply made excuses for everything I enjoyed that the Bible spoke against. I tried to stay away from sins that still seemed bad, such as stealing, lying, and causing people harm, yet I got drunk, did drugs, and was sexually immoral. Since these things were culturally acceptable, I never considered that the Bible could be right and that everyone else could be wrong. I was totally overcome by the pleasures of this world, and I thought life would be so dull without them. Since I didn't read my Bible much, I clung to the fact that if I was wrong about the things I was doing, I would find out eventually and simply ask God for forgiveness. This attitude led me to believe I could enjoy life while still "trying" to do what was right, and if I messed up, God would still love and forgive me. Christianity was merely part of my belief system, and not a part of my lifestyle. I truly thought being a Christian was simply "believing" in Jesus; believing that He came to earth and died for my sins and rose again. I didn't know what it meant to truly believe in Him.

            Occasionally, I considered changing the way I lived in order to focus more on school, my future, and to simply grow up. This led me to quit doing drugs and to stop smoking in order to get more serious about my life. I thought I was making real steps toward becoming a more responsible and mature adult. On several occasions, I also considered giving up the drunken lifestyle I had become accustomed to. Nevertheless, the alcohol scene had become such an important part of my social life that I never seemed to act on any of those thoughts. When I was barely 18, my reckless lifestyle of abusing alcohol came to a halt when I finally had to face legal consequences for being under the influence of alcohol while driving. I remember feeling so ashamed of how out of control I allowed my life to get, that I wanted to finally put an end to the way I was living. I felt God was directly intervening in order to force me to stop doing the things I knew were wrong, but that I couldn't stop doing. I decided to put an end to many actions that I thought God was revealing to me were wrong. I sought forgiveness for my sins and believed I had rededicated my life to God. I turned my lifestyle around and started to witness to people about what I thought God did and was doing in my life. I believed I was finally on the right path, and that I was truly living for God.

            This new and improved Christian lifestyle continued throughout my college years. I eventually graduated from college, got married, and began my career. Although I did "mess up" at times, I pretty much stuck with the decisions I made when I was 18. I continued to believe I was living the way I should, but I frequently pondered about life and wondered if this was all there was to being a Christian. I wondered if I should be doing more for God with my life, but I always convinced myself that everyone was different and that I was probably supposed to be more of a "behind the scenes" Christian. This attitude allowed me to be a pretty lazy follower of Christ, who lived by certain guidelines, but who didn't have the joy, passion, enthusiasm, righteousness, or love of Christ. Although I didn't indulge in certain acts as I formerly did, I still possessed the same half-hearted Christian lifestyle as before. I always believed that I had the hope of my salvation through Christ, but I lived exactly the same as the rest of the world in most aspects of my life. I was still held captive to sin, only it was less obvious through sins such as selfishness, envy, contempt, and love for money, to name a few. Furthermore, I remained captive to most of the sins I supposedly gave up, such as drunkenness and sexual immorality, even if they only happened occasionally. I remember trying very hard not to sin in the areas I had difficulty with, but at times I still failed to adhere to the guidelines I knew I should have been living by. I didn't understand why I continued to do the things I knew were wrong. I just accepted that this was normal for Christians, and I clung to the common understanding that Christ would still forgive me no matter how many times I repeated the same sin. Looking back, I realize I was still captive to my sinful nature, as Paul explains, "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it" (Romans 7:19-20, NIV).

            It wasn't until the Lord led me to a certain Bible study that my eyes were opened to what the Bible actually said about the way I was living. I started to see the blatant contradictions with what I believed and what the Word of God teaches. I became utterly confused and eagerly began to seek the truth, because a lot of what I had believed my entire life was not actually in the Bible. I couldn't understand how I, as well as so many others, could possibly be wrong about what the Bible says. I remember just wanting to know the truth, even if it was very hard to accept.

            Throughout this confusion, I continued to seek God's truth, and I kept going to these Bible studies, where my eyes were consistently being opened to the truth through God's word. I began to understand verses like, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth" (Revelation 3:15-16, NIV). I started to see how God viewed my lifestyle through verses such as, "The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law" (Galatians 5:19-23, NIV). I didn't know that real Christians no longer live sinfully because they overcome the sinful nature through Christ. I also didn't know that "The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God" (1 John 3:8-9, NIV), and "No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him" (1 John 3:6, NIV). I didn't know that the life I was living was completely detestable to God. I realized that my beliefs about sin were not backed by any book in the Bible, for I had believed that Jesus was okay with sin as long as you "tried" not to do it, and if you failed, you could just ask for forgiveness, and it would be granted to you. I never knew that Jesus "condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us [those who believe in Him], who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit" (Romans 8:3-4, NIV). I was deceived in thinking I knew the Lord, when in fact I was the farthest thing from Him. I never knew that Jesus said, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 7:21, NIV). God's Word says, "If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth" (1 John 1:6, NIV). I realized that although my mouth confessed Jesus as Lord, my lifestyle denied Him. I also realized I never truly believed in Jesus, because I didn't believe in His message proclaimed in the verses above. The Bible teaches believers to fully repent (turn from their sinful ways) and wholeheartedly follow Christ, as proclaimed in Romans 12:1 (NIV), "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Jesus teaches, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it" (Matthew 16:25, NIV). I realized I was a hypocrite and that I was totally deceived by the world around me as to how followers of Christ should live. I lived for myself, not for God, not for my family, and not for others.

            Once I understood Jesus' message, I had no choice but to submit my life to Him who saved me by His blood from the punishment I deserve. I turned from all acts of disobedience to God and fully submitted my life to the Lord. My mind was transformed by the Holy Spirit, enabling me to see things clearly for the first time and to discern right from wrong. I no longer practiced nor enjoyed the violent, lustful, money-driven, selfish acts I enjoyed before. I started to love God with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind (Luke 10:27). John explains, "This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith" (1 John 5:3-4, NIV). I was finally able to overcome the sins I never could before, because the Spirit of Christ now lived in me.

            It has been about a year since I submitted my life to God, and I continue to learn more about Him through Christ. I have realized this life is not about me, but about God, and also, about helping others around me who are still captives to the deception of this world as I was. I have learned the importance of love, and the importance of serving others, as I continue to look to the example of Christ, "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness" (Philippians 2:6-7, NIV). Through my love for Christ and others, I am filled with a joy and peace I could never attain in the past, no matter how hard I tried. I am no longer bound to a life of sin, because of Jesus, whose blood cleansed me and whose Spirit continues to help me persevere. Paul told the Corinthians that God "will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Corinthians 1:8, NIV). "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious  appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good" (Titus 2:11-14, NIV).

            God has taught me to persevere in my faith and to rejoice in the midst of trials and persecutions. No matter the type or magnitude of the trial, the Lord has proved faithful time and time again to always guide and strengthen me through His indwelling Spirit. Paul reminds us to "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18, NIV). I strive to live a holy life pleasing to God, to be a light in this world of darkness by sharing the truth of Jesus' message with others, and to help uplift, strengthen, and encourage fellow believers to continue to persevere in their faith. I hope that my testimony to God's grace may help shed light on His amazing truth for those who are seeking Him, and I pray that it will help encourage fellow believers to continue to stand firm in their faith. I praise God for all He has done in my life, and I pray He would continue to use me in any way that pleases Him.